Updated: Sep 13, 2021
Sister, we ALL have a hard time with this. Do you ever notice when women receive compliments, our first reaction is to deflect it?
“Your hair looks cute today!”
“Yea right, I just threw it up as I rushed out the door”
“It’s fun hanging out with you”
“No, YOU’RE the fun one”
“Oh, I’m just being crazy”
“Great job today”
“Psh, it’s no big deal”
Why do compliments make us so uncomfortable? A Cambridge study found that women only accept compliments 22% of the time when it comes from another woman! We’re always on the defense with each other. A lot of times, it’s because we don’t feel worthy or simply because we don’t want to seem conceited. I’m definitely guilty of this, but think about how often it happens around us with nearly every single woman. We’ve learned this habit from each other and it’s happened so much that it’s now become an instinct to push compliments away and act like we hate ourselves.
There’s always been some kind of silent understanding that women should be modest and look a certain way. So instead of learning to love and take care of the different bodies we were all given, we started to loathe them and disrespect them because we didn’t feel like we fit the mold. Fuck that mold. We already have the worst critic in our heads so I think it’s time we start owning the good stuff that’s said about us. It’s not always easy to give someone a compliment in the first place. So when other women genuinely try to bond with you via a compliment, just accept it.
Self love does not come quickly. I’m 35 years old and am just now starting to accept and love all the parts of myself. I take compliments instead of deflecting them. I compliment other women because maybe their day has been crap and you just turned it around when you noticed something ni>ce about them. We put so much effort into representing ourselves with hair, makeup, nails, and clothing choices, but we also need to put that much focus into nurturing our mental health. One way to do that is to stop downplaying ourselves to others.
Have a little more faith in YOU and start cherishing what other humans love about you. And when you notice someone else deflecting your compliment towards her, keep going into more detail about why you said it at all. Don’t let that person deny themselves of their worthiness.
It’s ok to agree and say “Thank You” when someone points out what’s great about you. These are some baby steps to start accepting the powerful forces that we are, my friends! Let’s help each other become stronger.